it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
