i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize