She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Alive.
So much puke
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
