I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
