Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
