I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize