Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
