Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
