oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
