after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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