i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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