Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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