just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
