my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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