It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
