I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize