Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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