The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
