Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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