it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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