so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
