I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just cut my nipple shaving
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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