How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
