i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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