dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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