somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
