help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
