i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
