she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
