i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
