I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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