a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
