i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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