Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
