i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
