She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
