so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
