Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
