Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we made out on top of his cat.
Welp...herpes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
