don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
