She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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