Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
