Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
