so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
