Where did you get a picture of my penis
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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