it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
