my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
