When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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