I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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