I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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