I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
