After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
