you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
