Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
