I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
