just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
