Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
