Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
