My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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