I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize