I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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