He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
