You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
