Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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