What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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