you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
