what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
