I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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