First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
