well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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