pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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