After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
