I cannot find my penis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
