Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
