Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize