Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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